Adele’s ‘Hello’ inspires a hilarious parody all about the life of a school nurse

Hello, it’s meand you are able to pay attention because clas harbour has something to say.

To celebrate “School Nurse Day, ” Kelli Petersen, who works at an elementary school, wrote a beautiful portrayal of Adele’s “Hello, ” only this time it’s all about the life and durations of local schools harbour. “Happy School Nurse day to all my fellow clas wet-nurses! May you know how certainly appraised you are! And to wet-nurses everywhere, you’re amazing !, ” Petersen wrote on YouTube.

It’s a inventive performance of countless bandaids, hurt bellies and gross bathrooms that Adele would most definitely be proud of.

Jailed SAC Manager Martoma Seeks New Insider-Trading Trial

More than two years after Mathew Martoma originated providing a nine-year prison term for insider trading, his lawyer quarrelled for a second season that the former SAC Capital Advisors LP portfolio director deserves a new trial.

Martoma was imprisoned in 2014 of using illegal tips-off to realize $275 million on swaps in Wyeth LLC and Elan Corp. His lawyer, Paul Clement, quarrelled before a three-judge committee Tuesday that Martoma’s conviction should be overturned based on a verdict last year by the U.S. Supreme court of the united states in a different insider-trading case.

A ruling in Martoma’s favor would ruin the biggest-ever prosecution of a person who is for trading on inside information. He was one of seven brokers and advisers imprisoned of insider trading while at SAC Capital, the hedge fund founded by Steven A. Cohen. Two of the convictions were later thrown out.

Clement argued that lawyers failed to introduce sufficient evidence is demonstrating that the person who generated Martoma the tips-off did so because of coin he was paid. In additive, the judge’s teachings to jurors were faulty, Clement quarrelled, since they are earmarked a conviction based on the premise that the tipper was motivated by a desire for friendship, rather than by an existing personal relationship.

Tipper Relationships

The appeals court in New York first examined disagreements in Martoma’s case in 2015, then retarded its decision while awaiting a Supreme Court ruling in a California case committing Bassam Salman, a former Chicago grocery wholesaler imprisoned of trading on information he received from his brother-in-law, then a Citigroup Inc . investment banker. A unanimous Supreme court of the united states upheld Salman’s conviction, saying that a tipper could be convicted for overstepping inside tips-off to “a transactions relative or friend, ” irrespective whether the tipper advantaged financially.

Martoma was imprisoned of getting confidential information about clinical tribulations of anti-retroviral drugs intended to treat “Alzheimers disease” from two physicians who were participating in the tests. One of them, former University of Michigan neurologist Dr. Sid Gilman, acted as chairman of the tests’ security monitoring committee. Gilman, the prosecution’s perform witness against Martoma, told jurors he’d been paid $1,000 an hour hold consultations with Martoma, through an expert networking firm.

Assistant U.S. Attorney Robert Allen quarrelled Tuesday that financing of the rapport was enough to support the decision. Gilman testified that Martoma tried to befriend him, often discussing personal and family interests during their calls.

“Martoma tried to foster a close relationship, ” Allen told the judges. “And the reason he did that was obvious. He wanted to milk him for inside information.”

SAC Capital pleaded guilty to wire fraud and securities scam in 2013 and paid a record $1.8 billion fine to resolve U.S. claims over insider trading. It changed its identify to Point7 2 Asset Management LP and agreed to manage only Cohen’s money until 2018, when it can manage patrons’ coin again.

Martoma is detained in a federal confinement in Miami. If he loses his appeal, he’s due to be released after September 2021, according to the Federal Bureau of Prisons website. The judges didn’t say when they issue a ruling.

The case is U.S. v. Martoma, 14 -0 3599, U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit( Manhattan ).

Read more:

The Daily Show summed up Trump firing the FBI director in one perfect tweet

FBI Director James Comey was shelled by Trump and the internet exploded with puns .

Image: Zach Gibson/ Getty Images

When the White House announced that President Trump had shot FBI Director James Comey in the middle of the bureau’s investigation into the Trump campaign’s alleged ties to Russian operatives, the internet started, predictably, perfectly berserk.

The four-sentence statement from Press Secretary Sean Spicer included the piece that the firing was based on “clear recommendations” from Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein and Attorney General Jeff Sessions.( Yes, the same Sessions who was forced to recuse himself from the FBI’s probe into the Trump campaign’s linked with Russia because he’d misled congress about that extremely matter during his confirmation hearings .)

But one tweet stood out among the many, many horrified puns about Comey joining the resistance, Jared Kushner getting tapped for yet another job he’s unqualified for, and the classic “You’re fired” takes.

Here’s The Daily Show ‘s take on the White House’s statement.

That’s a verbatim translation, albeit with a few grammatical errors.

Burn. Or nonetheless you say that in Russian.

Alligator chases a dude in a kayak because nature is terrifying

Today inNature is Scary , an innocent kayaker was chased by an alligator in the Gulf Coast of Alabama.

Shannon Collins shared two videos of the incident to her Facebook on Tuesday, which took place in Spanish Fort. In the time, a humanity in a yellowish kayak can be looking back at an alligator in the irrigate. When he attempts to paddle away from the gator, it follows.

“Get out of the irrigate, dude, ” Collins can be heard saying in another video of the gator imparting chase.

“That gator followed him until he docked, then stayed there by him until he loaded his kayak in his truck and left, ” Collins wrote in a comment on Facebook. “He got a little too close to her newborns we think and she wasnt[ sic] telling him out of her sight. That gator was serious.”

Collins too shared a photograph of the man’s kayak along the shores, with the gator hanging out in the irrigate only a few feet away.

Don’t mess with gator babies.

[ h/ t : UPI ]

Yelp’s business is crumbling, but it’s delivery robots are doing just fine


“Yelp needs help” was the joke of finance Twitter Tuesday, as the company’s stock plummeted down by more than 28 percent in after-hours trading.

That’s an extreme dip and a bad look for a company that has been desperately attempting to climb back to its heights of 2014. Yelp’s stock was ripped to shreds after the company reported sales under analysts’ forecasts and also slashed its own revenue estimates for the year.

In other words, we didn’t do as well as people had expected, and the future isn’t looking great either.

Yelp dropped its forecast of $880 million to $900 million down to the range of $850 million to $865 million. While Yelp’s chief financial officer Lanny Baker preached good things ahead in his prepared earnings statement, the Street clearly sought to abandon ship.

Image: google finance

“While we are lowing our revenue and adjusted EBITDA outlook for the year,sales productivity has rebounded, transactions revenue has accelerated and weve seen promising results from our newly expanded retention efforts,” Baker’s statement read.

Why the struggle? Perhaps it’s an onslaught of competition and the decreased coolness of Yelp. For sure, they incidentally made sure small businesses hated them by suggesting they pay up to get rid of bad reviews.

Meanwhile, both Facebook and Google have been deepening reviews and their relationships with small businesses.

In March, Google released a tool for reserving fitness classes that also accompanies reviews on its site. Facebook now has a tab on its app for “Your Places” along with “City Guides.” It’s also experimenting with “Offers,” a discount code system at participating businesses.

It’s not that Yelp has done nothing to expand beyond being a restaurant review site. Yelp bought online food delivery company Eat24 in 2015 and it recently has been experimenting with food delivery robots.

Once upon a time, Yelp was believed to be exploring a sale.

Researchers will soon study what happens to your brain while microdosing

Right: This is your brain on pharmaceuticals( LSD ). Left: This is your psyche not on pharmaceuticals .

Image: imperial college london

Josh examined all the chatter about Silicon Valley coders and young industrialists who took tiny dosages of LSD to boost productivity and spark imagination. But the 32 -year-old was drawn to the psychedelic drug for another reason: the possibility that it could lift the shadow of his dimple, if only temporarily.

Josh, who asked to withhold his last name due to the illegal quality of microdosing, said he turned to Reddit for answers.

The website was filled with gratuities and tributes of people who tried around 10 micrograms of LSD an illegal narcotic drugs and had either positive knows, experienced it didn’t direct, or reported mild side effect. Although there are risks , nobody said they had mad or hazardous hallucinations, which are common with big dosages of mind-altering chemicals.

“I’ve been living with depression and feeling for approximately half “peoples lives” now, ” Josh alleged. “The fact that this was only a minute amount of[ LSD ], it seemed like a good way of trying something out.”

Josh said it wasn’t more hard to secure liquid LSD from “a friend of a friend” in his New England town. He’s microdosed five times since March, in addition to making his regular anti-depressants.

“I start most daytimes off in a low-grade depression, ” he alleged. But with microdosing, “It felt like I’d had a really, really good bowl of coffee, without my mind beat and the hurtle later.” The tiny quantities of LSD leaved him force. “I sat up and felt like, ‘I should do something right now, ‘ and I had the vitality to go and make love, ” he said.

“I sat up and felt like, ‘I should do something right now, ‘ and I had the vitality to go and make love, ” he said.

After decades underground, illegal psychedelics like LSD are steadily passing into mainstream culture as stigma disappearances, and early ground recommends they might present more than precisely a recreational escape.

Two concurrent contemplates at New York University and Johns Hopkins University found that psilocybin a key compound in hallucinogenic sprouts can help ease existential dimple in parties with life-threatening cancer, precisely when taken in a seen fix and combined with therapy.

Last fall, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration alleged investigates could move forward with a large-scale clinical inquiry for ecstasy-related regiman with patients suffering from post-traumatic stress agitation, or PTSD.

Yet scientists haven’t formally explored the purported the advantage of microdosing with LSD. All reporting to date is purely anecdotal, speculative, and subjective.

However, that may be about to change.

On Tuesday, the crowdfunding constitution Fundamental launched a new expedition is in favour of firstly science studies of microdosing with LSD.

The Beckley Foundation and Imperial College London will conduct the study, which is set to begin this descend. The inquiry will involve 20 participants and use brain-imaging technologies to contemplate subjects’ neural work and blood spring during a series of assignments, including toy the strategy tournament Go while inside an fMRI machine.

The search for proof

Fundamental, which supports psychedelic research for therapeutic purposes, aims to raise a combined$ two million for four contemplates: the microdosing investigate, plus the next stages of three ongoing contemplates, including looking at how psilocybin may be affected end-of-life distress at NYU and Johns Hopkins; ecstasy and PTSD at the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Survey; and psilocybin-assisted medication of nicotine and alcohol dependence at Johns Hopkins and the University of New Mexico.

“A lot of parties are experimenting with microdosing, but we need the science to explore how it runs compared with a fuller quantity of LSD, and how it works on depression and dimple and feeling, ” alleged Amanda Feilding, chairman of the Beckley Foundation.

An artist’s sketch of 900 LSD squares, replete with ruby slippers and a yellowish brick road.

Image: William Rafti

“We’re also interested in experimenting its propensity to animate imagination, productivity, and cognitive work, ” Feilding said.

The Beckley/ Imperial Research Program previously considered psyche work exploiting higher doses of LSD 75 micrograms, or more than seven times larger than a true-life microdose. The 2016 examine indicated that during hallucinations, “the whole of the psyche was ignited up with the contacts between dozens of[ neural] cores, which were normally not active in that practice, ” Feilding alleged. “It was like a great unity of the brain.”

Researchers hope that investigating these substances will help them figure out whether psychedelics have medical helps under certain conditions, and thus shouldn’t be registered as Schedule 1 painkillers in the U.S. or worldwide. Importantly, contemplates can also reveal whether these substances induce any lingering harm to physical or mental health.

Such research is difficult to fund, chiefly because psychedelics are boycotted and considered perilous, but likewise due to a lack in the best interests from large-scale pharmaceutical companies.

DIY psychedelic studies

Microdosing in a carefully seen examine isn’t the same as making psychedelics on your own terms. Commentators of the practice note that absorbing illegal and unregulated pharmaceuticals is inherently fraught with risks, beyond precisely incarcerate time.

“Manufacture and afford of illegal drugs are not subject to thorough regulatory controls. That entails users can never be sure of what they are getting, ” three scientists from the University of Cambridge Barbara Sahakian, Camilla d’Angelo, and George Savulich noted in a February pole for The Conversation .

Uncertainty with afford “makes resolving the dose questionable. Those who microdose incorrectly gamble having unwanted, full-blown outings or even know unpleasant outings, ” they wrote.

James Fadiman, who is considered a founder of microdosing investigate, alleged such outings are rare with microdosing, since participants start with extremely low dosages. Fadiman has developed a self-study protocol for curious citizen scientists who want to report its own experience. The monthlong regimen commits altering one day of microdosing defined as 8 to 15 micrograms with two days of rest.

Fadiman has considered microdosing since 2010, but he said interest in self-directed investigate has soared much in recent months, thanks in part to Ayelet Waldman’s 2016 record A Actually Good Day . A 52 -year-old attorney and baby of four children, Waldman cured push microdosing so far into the mainstream after exploiting LSD following Fadiman’s protocol.

In February, Fadiman and his co-investigator Sophia Korb launched an online form where people can defer their written outcomes. The place informs guests “DO NOT ASK US” about where there is the illegitimate essences.( Along with LSD, participants can also self-report with microdoses of psilocybin, the herbal drink ayahuasca, and the hallucinogenic rainforest flora iboga .)

More than 1,400 parties have enlisted in the homespun investigate endeavour up to now. Fadiman and Korb are just beginning to analyze the first few hundred submissions, which they recently presented at an April peak in California that brought together more than 100 clinical the research community and thousands of psychedelics proponents.

Early outcomes suggest that microdosing can be beneficial to everybody except feeling sufferers, though parties with both dimple and feeling reported positive results, Fadiman said.

“People with feeling, they become more aware of their internal process, and their internal process is filled with feeling, so they become more agitated, ” he alleged. Still, he computed, “there are no tilts or serpents that relish you, and there’s no great insight or esoteric experience.”

“There are no angles or serpents that relish you, and there’s no great insight or esoteric experience.”

Many people who reported helpful knows said they unconsciously chosen healthier lifestyle practices. They imbibed less booze, inhaled fewer cigarettes, got a good night’s sleep, and ate less fast food though certainly not everyone experienced these effects, or did them all at once.

“One of the things we’re looking at is the risk-to-benefit fraction, ” Fadiman added. “It looks like the risks are very small in microdosing, and when people do have a bad experience, they stop. It’s a little bit as if you feed some menu and don’t feel that good afterward. You just stop eating that food.”

Josh, the 32 -year-old in New England, said that microdosing didn’t give him a burst of musical genius like he’d privately hoped. But it did cure him remove some of the nervousness he detects at the start of each day or before doing a brand-new task. That flavor has remained with him, like a kind of afterglow.

“I’m not looking for a high, I’m not even looking for a discovery, ” he alleged. “I precisely want to be focused and be a productive is part of society.”

Read more:

Dashcam captures lightning zap a bird right out of the sky

Thanks to the rise of cheap and reliable dashcams, the internet is fitted with random happens people have witnessed behind the wheel.

While we’ve recognized abundance of meteor disturbs, instant justice gave to bad operators, and even plane accidents, this time of a shaft of illuminating touching a chick and whacking it right out of the sky is one for the eerie record books.

The internet is very confused by Trump’s new Twitter banner

This guy .

Image: tom pennington/ Getty Images

Donald Trump was immediate to defend themselves on Twitter after a Senate hearing over his campaign’s ties to Russia.

The strange happening? He did it with an extremely clumsy banner photo.

That’s actually one of his tweets, Photoshopped in what appears to be a typeface from the 1980 s over a photo of a bunch of white people throwing the thumbs-up sign.

Clapper told Monday that he was not awareof any evidence of deceit between the Trump campaign and Russia. Which isn’t surprising, since he also said that he wasn’t even aware of an investigation into the matter until FBI Director James Comey spawned it public in March.

Still, subtlety isn’t precisely Trump’s thing, which would explain the banner.

Of course, parties outside of the White House too have access to Photoshop and Trump’s past tweets, so people know this was inevitable …

In case you’re wondering, yes, someone has already made a “Trump Twitter Cover Generator.”

Have fun, teenagers. And don’t should be considered the many, numerous linkagesbetween the Trump campaign and Russia.

Startups, you must raise this much to join the 1%

Today, we are finding out how much money a startup needs to raise to be counted among the best-capitalized new companies in its home state.

Why bother with this? Because for states not on the coasts, the exercise gives local entrepreneurs and outside observers a benchmark for evaluating where a company sits on a states spectrum of startup companies.

Crunching the national numbers

Well start at the national level before we dive into individual states and their nuances.

To answer our question, we aggregated pre-IPO venture capital and venture debt deal data from around 24,600 companies that meet the following criteria:

  • The company was founded in or after 2003 what most consider the age of the unicorn.
  • The company is based in the United States and we know where its located.
  • The company has raised rounds of known size.
  • The company is not in the petrochemical, life sciences, clean energy or heavy manufacturing sectors, which have significantly different funding dynamics and capital requirements than typical tech startups.

Were going to find out what it takes for a company to be at or above certain positions on the startup funding curve. So how much money does a startup need to raise to be in the upper half of U.S. startupsin terms of the amount of money raised? To show this, we made a chart plotting the total amount of money raised that corresponds to different percentiles, from zero through one hundred.

And heres a table that shows the corresponding amounts of total startup funding for key points of interest on the graph above.

For all the companies we analyzed, the amount of total private funding each has received really runs the gamut. The midpoint of the curve, the median value, might be surprising. For your startup to be on the upper half of the funding curve, nationwide, you must raise at least $1.75 million from investors. Although that number may appearsmall to many, it shows just how few companies are able to raise any significant amount of capital.

From there, numbers go up and to the right fairly quickly. To join the vaunted one percent of startups, as ranked by the total amount of money raised, a company needs to have received roughly $163 million in pre-IPO equity and debt financing. And unless youre Uber, well, theres no way youre in the 100th percentile.

State by state

The curve above may illustrate the national rankings, but what about on a state-by-state level?

Its probably unfair to stack companies based in states with comparatively smaller tech startup ecosystems against, say, New York or California. Well, founders from Wyoming, North Dakota, Alaska and Iowa, youre in luck. We crunched the numbers for all 50 states in the union, plus the District of Columbia.

In the map below (interactive version here), youll be able to see the cut-off point for joining the top 50 percent of companies in your state, ranked by total funds raised to date.

It wont be a shock that certain states have higher median (which is a fancy way of saying the 50th percentile) funding amountsthan others. States like California, Texas, New York, Massachusetts and others with relatively high levels of startup activity are more likely to have higher median funding values than those with less startup activity.

That should strike most as fairly obvious, but whats interesting about this map is that, ultimately, theres a relatively narrow range of funding levels that land companies in the top half of startups in their states.

Notwithstanding outliers like Hawaii, where the median funding amount is $75,000 in our data set, raising between $500,000 and $2 million is enough to join the top half of companies in many states. During a time where multi-million-dollar seed rounds happen with surprising regularity on the coasts, one might be surprised to learn that raising just $1 million is enough to rank in the top half of companies in 28 states.

In other words, theres a fairly low barrier to entering the top half of startups especially outside of the coasts.

The rich kids table

But what about the top 1 percent of startups in each state? Here we have another map (interactive version here):

We see higher numbers (and darker colors) in states with relatively high levels of startup activity. But one of the other data pointsthis map highlights is the geographic distribution of well-capitalized companies. California and New York are both home to a lot of companies with lots of funding behind them, which results in fairly high total fundraising figures for the 99th percentile of companies.

However, there are still companies with high values at the 99th percentile threshold despite having comparatively less startup activity. Thats because these states are home to at least one company thats received a large amount of private investment.

For example, Utah and Arizonas 99th percentile figures are comparable to Californias. Although Utah has its own startup scene in the Salt Lake City and Provo metropolitan regions, its because three unicorns Domo (with $689 million in equity financing), (with $251 million in financing) and Pluralsight ($192.5 million in financing) are headquartered in the state.

Arizona is the home of Carvana, which received $300 million in equity financing before going public in April, as well as other well-funded companies like OfferPad and Katerra. Katerra joined the billion-dollar valuation club last month with a $130 million Series C round that valued the company at $1 billion. Its interesting to see just how much influence one or two well-capitalized startups can do to the numbers at the extreme end of the funding spectrum.

Standing out from the crowd

Joining the exclusive club of one-percenters is hard, and, by definition, nearly every company fails to gain entry. But thats alright.

For founders and investors alike, the heartening thing to take away is that, in most cases, even a small seed and Series A round puts your company in the top half of startups founded in or after 2003. And if theres one good thing about being middle of the pack, its that you have plenty of company.

Gymder is the creepy fitness app that swears it’s not a dating app

Let’s get one thing straight: beings don’t want to be riled, let alone hit on, at the gym. It’s sweaty, it’s smelly, and no one has their makeup or mane done. The gym is a place to precisely put on headphones, focus on improving yourself, and chant the rest of the world out.

A new smartphone app called Gymder is aiming to change the atmosphere of the gym from a target of emptines to an all out social get-together. After you create a profile on the app, it shows you other Gymder consumers nearby that you can meet. Bang familiar? It’s a method to find workout friends, share tips-off, and find people who are as annoyingly fervent about remaining their bodies right and close-fisted as you are.

So…this is basically a dating app, right?

Image: gymder

In their press release, Gymder asserts that it’s not a dating app by territory,

GYMDER is a Munich-based firm with places great importance on social fitness. Its flagship concoction is a free location based uncovering app that uniquely connects beings in a fitness framework. Thereby users can find each other and train together anytime and anywhere. The GYMDER team includes fitness fans that have found motive in each other and celebrated success together. Besides, the team includes experienced and fierce counterparts that have a joint seeing and strongly believe that GYMDER will alter fitness.

However, according to Gizmodo , someone from Gymder’s press described the app as “Instagram/ Tinder for athletes”( blech ). Not to mention Gymder sounds accurately like Tinder and they are both used to “connect” beings. Huh.

If that description alone doesn’t give you a reason to avoid the download button, according to Gizmodo , Gymder requires access to all your photos, and without this access, you won’t been demonstrated in the location-based dwelling screen that testifies other consumers nearby. The app is also designed more like Grindr than Tinder in the way that there’s no swiping left of right – precisely a dwelling screen with a knot of floating principals to find.

Image: gymder

Image: gymder

Notice how any persons in this visualize is physically fit and superb. Suspicious.

If even after learning about those creepy pieces, you’re still inquisitive about how the app could work for you, check out this Gymder trailer.

Oh, is this what the gym is for? We had no idea. Good to know.

Contradictions aside, download Gymder at your own peril. We’re not sure what the hell is do with all the place data and photos it compiles. If “youre using” it, be sure of everyone’s aims. This non-dating, dating app “couldve been” precisely an easier method for beings to ogle you at the gym.

Have fun with your new “workout” buddy!

[ H/ T: Gizmodo ]

Read more: